Monday, September 13, 2010

First Week (And a Day)

I meant to do a first day post but everything was moving so fast I could hardly gather my thoughts. So I guess this is a first week post. I've learned a bit in my first week but the biggest thing is that things get better, and by things I mean high school. I know that intelligence is an excellent thing and that nobody should try and hide it to be accepted or get someone to like them or whatever. In fact I've been preaching this since kindergarten. But we rarely talk about the flip side. The dangers of believing that we are superior. Good self esteem is awesome but we often fall into this trap that makes us believe we are the best. This isolates us, allows few the opportunity to discuss just about anything with us and lads to mega freakouts when the idea that we aren't the best sneaks up on us. I learned that people have important things to say and even if their vocabulary or reading lists aren't as extensive as mine they are valid and interesting and worth talking about. I wish I could say that this discovery was sparked by a lot of introspection and healthy self analysis but it was more of one of those seeing someone else doing something and then seeing myself in that person and kind of losing it due to shame. But in the end the lesson was learned and that is the important thing.
I think my next post will be on time management or perhaps overextending oneself because my whole plan to limit extracurriculars is crashing and burning. But in the meantime I'll try and keep learning and I hope that you are too. 

Saturday, September 4, 2010

I was hoping the train was my big number

Today I learned that anniversaries are important because they remind us not of the event but of the time passed. We are constantly experiencing milestones, important events that change who we are and how we see the world.  A while ago I posted about the sad realization that yes terrible things happen to very good people and today is the one year anniversary of the beginning of that terrible time. I think of how that person has grown and changed and survived and I think about how my perspective on the world has changed. But mostly I think of time.
In the end what is an anniversary? It's just a day that happens to be the same as something important and maybe something important will happen on this day of this year and maybe it won't. What is most important is the time in-between. The time where suddenly that day though always in the background maybe wasn't that important. The time where we grew and changed and learned and did not forget but learned how to deal. And we dealt. 
Anniversaries are a time to look back but only for a moment. Because instead of mourning (or celebrating) a day we can marvel in what we have accomplished in that in between time and be confident that the future will not only be the same but be better.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Leave all your loss and your longing behind you can't carry it with you if you want to survive.

Yesterday I spent hours cleaning my room. I went up into those top shelves of my closet where I had old diaries and the get well soon fake flowers with the messages written on them. I took all my clothes and ironed ,folded and culled the things I don't wear any more. I was thinking about how a person is defined by their things. From  style to economic situations we conform , we break free and we work for things. Here in the "developed" world we are a material culture, we consume , the throw away but most importantly we hold onto things. We keep so many unnecessary things that we can get lost in them. By holding onto old movie tickets, secret classroom notes or never sent letters we don't allow ourselves to move forward. Though I threw out so many physical reminders of past events,feelings or crushes the memories are still there. Some were good (though most were bad) and now they all seem a little more distant.
I learned that there are times in our live when the past and present disappear and we are left alone with a shaky present to keep us company. The last few days before my senior year have been like that for me and I don't know when I'll be back in the land of the living.
But what I do know is everything is clean. The drawers are organized and the school bag is packed with colour coordinated supplies and those are just the external thing. Inside seems to have undergone some pre fall cleaning too. Everything feels a little distant but the most important thing is that we will all catch up eventually.