Monday, January 24, 2011

visit counter for blogspotToday I learned about getting "happy"
It seems like all we ever do is try to "get happy" we may not be aware of it but we try so hard to like ourselves,to like our classmates, our family, our course selections, that picture from that party. All in this quest to be happier than we already are.
But today I learned that although you can make the choice to try and be happy you rarely have any control over whether that works out. Yes it is substantially easier if you make an effort but be it brain chemistry, the weather or the plans of other people sometimes we just can't be happy.
Then something changes.
Someone sends you a text or the sun comes out or the perfect song comes up on your ipod and things get a little brighter.
It will feel like something has shifted and I can't promise that it will last much longer than the next text, until the sun retreats behind the clouds again or the song ends but I can promise that for a moment there things were better.
Little sister teen angst is a terrible thing but you know what else is incredible? That childish pure unadulterated happiness that comes in great beautiful waves for no apparent reason.
You are lucky you get both.
And they are both important.
So just try to learn.

Friday, January 7, 2011

You've Got The Love

Today I saw how incredibly beautiful life is. Today I learned that sometimes you have to cry about the snow.
Be it teenage hormones or coming to sudden realizations or falling out of like/love/whatever , today I cried cause the snow was so freaking beautiful and it reminded me how freaking beautiful life is. That song "The Cave" but Mumford and Sons was playing and it was dark and everything was illuminated by the lights that reflected off the creek.
I was reminded that I could of missed all of this.
Today I learned that life is a journey but there is more than one destination. Often it is easy for us to see life as an A to B sort of thing ; you're born and you just keep going till you die.  visit counter for blogspotBut maybe that's not right. Why should we only get somewhere in the end? Because in seventeen years I've done far too much travelling to not have gotten to a destination. 
Life is a highway and all that crap but I guess the exits aren't marked. Either the road ends or you veer off course and for so long I wanted to veer off course.  But I never made it all the way off. But I never thought I would get anywhere either and yet here I am.  
Mostly we're all in different places but we can see each other, we are there for each other. Geographically we stay pretty close and yet a thousand different things are happening to all of us. We fall in and out of love, we get accepted and rejected by universities, we go for walks and we stay home, we go see a film. Its easy to think that all of this is meaningless or that's its simply a part of a journey because that is easier.
Important things are supposed to happen at destinations and that is terrifying because the important things aren't always what we want them to be. But recognizing where we are as a destination can make the little things seem bigger and the snow a bit more beautiful. Because the snow isn't just a sight on the passing highway but a destination. So you call someone and you cry and you make a memory. And you keep travelling.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Measure In Love

visit counter for blogspotNew years resolution : blog more! Actually I made a bunch more but those are boring. So I won't get into them.
On new years eve I had a terrible babysitting job but when the child and dog were asleep  (and I stopped cowering in a corner) I read a book and listened to my ipod. And the song I kept going back to was seasons of love from rent.
I've always loved this song and it's always been one of those songs that speaks to me.
But this year I heard it differently. 
See last year I wrote myself an email which was delivered yesterday. It made me think about the hopes I had for last year when I wrote it and then my mind first went to all the times I screwed up. I thought about the fights and the snide comments and the terrible outfits. But as the song swelled I did what the song was telling me to do.
I remembered the love.
I remembered how after the fights there was the reconciliation and how things got better because finally the things that needed to be said were said.
I remember that for every snide comment I felt a little regret and I said something good.
There were failures but the triumphs had a greater impact.
For every selfish relationship there were real whole ones.
For every terrible outfit there was a good one.
2010 was a year filled with love.
So I resolve for all of us to measure in love and laughter not strife.
A year is composed of five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.
Many of those will be minutes of strife.
But we have to remember the love.