She was the still point of the turning world

This weekend I learned a few things. I was reminded of the fact that I am the kind of person who likes the indoors. I learned that there are some "teenage milestones" that are quite underwhelming. For example drinking and wandering outside. 

Really if you haven't done it yet you can just skip that one. 

Unless of course you are into bug bites and cramped spaces and public parking lots.

Which some people are so more power to you.

But in a strange way I'm happy that I did this.

I've learned that experimenting is important. Being safe while experimenting is of course one of the more important parts of that lesson but it's easy to forget that  old saying "You're only young once". 

Balance,moderation these are the things that are supposed to lead us to a happy life. And we often go to extremes. We want to be very very good and if we can't we often go for very very bad. Even though I didn't really enjoy that night there were fun moments. Sitting on an old friend's lawn and laughing or sitting by the lake in silence, there is something nice about being, about trying.

We need to remember to try. Because that is how we get out of ourselves. And even if we learn that we are much happier back within ourselves we have learned something.

That's worthwhile. 

The North American Dream Sweeping Team.

Today I learned about humility. When you are a white middle class teenage girl (or anyone really though the white middle class is especially good at this) it's easy to see yourself as a "saviour" (a great example of this is How Not to Write About Africa). I have to say I was like that when I learned I would be participating in a habitat for humanity project. It's easy to get a swollen head when people are telling you how great it is that you are doing this, the gift that you are giving someone.
Yes I am giving the gift of my time, I am making a small small contribution. 
I had to be reminded of that. We all have to be reminded of that.
How?
Well sweeping for about eight solid hours will do that for you.
I did briefly use some power tools and I put up some drywall but basically it was solid sweeping. Picking up discarded pieces of wood and insulation. Cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning.
I must admit I complained. I bitched. But I got the job done. By the end of the day I was tired and covered in a thin layer of dust.
I was at a loss for what I had learned. What I had contributed.
It was only when I saw on my facebook page that another student was talking about how happy he was that he didn't go. That it was ridiculous to spend $50 dollars on a broom (all participants must raise $50 in pledges.)
That's when I saw the I's. That's when I realized that this day wasn't about being a saviour and it wasn't a waste of time.
Volunteering is simply about time. It's about effort and contributing no matter what the cost. It's about solitude sometimes and bonding with people others. It's about doing what is needed not what looks pretty. It's about giving everything you have whether it's your talents or simply some physical labour.
In a way it's about giving up and giving of yourself. 
So I guess the only thing I'm left wondering is
What are we going to do next?

Prooouuddd Proud to be Proud to see (this moment demands a tegan and sara song)

It's been a crazy three days. I've learned that discrimination is out there,ignorance is out there. Well I knew that but I don't think that I really understood what it felt like. I'm white and middle class living in liberal suburbia. But of course there will always be people who don't share my views...loudly. These views can be scary they can be offensive and in my mind they are wrong(but who am I to judge?). I know that people go through stuff like this every day. That discrimination or hatred is something that we will all experience and something we have to deal with.

I have been reminded though that I am a child. I can fight like an adult, I can speak like an adult but I am a child in this I realize that I should not have to feel the need to fight with adults every day.

So what do we do? For no matter how "average" my sister is she will experience some form of discrimination or belittlement.

Well we have a few options we can stay and fight, we can duck our heads down and hope for the best or we can get out.

You know sometimes despite our (my) innate stubbornness the smartest thing is to get out.

So I changed my schedule and since that 1:45 meeting with guidance I've had a massive smile on my face that nothing (not even the cooking class I know have to take) can wipe it off. I made my points I stood up for myself and what I believe in. I did all i could and maybe I didn't last long but I lasted long enough.

Now I'm going to keep myself safe because it is my right to feel safe where I learn.

I can handle that.

PS If your ever interested in the photography/less composed musings/musical tastes that I throw out onto the internet my tumblr is the place for that.

The Adventures Of Melodrama Girl

So this week I learned a lot of things...Again I learned that sometimes we overestimate the difficulty of things aka
I AM PASSING MATH!!!!
Beyond that I learned some other big stuff. Classic stuff like all storms do pass and etc etc. Really I think my last post's slight optimism inspired real life.. or maybe not.
I've been thinking a lot about high school and how it's going to be over in 1 year and 11 months. Yes I will admit to having some yearbook sentimentality I can't always be a robot.
I've realized something about making you mark though. That in the end going for the high C on the first day of choir or trying out for the school play just might be worth it. Maybe you'll fail maybe you'll totally blow your own mind and forever claim it was the biggest achievement of your young life (COME ON! It was a HIIIGGGHHH C). But at the end of the day you get to say
I Was There
Remember When?
Something happened between grades 9 and 10 to me. I lost a lot of confidence and combined with recovery in order to be normal I really didn't have any time to be normal.
So I'm older I have seniority in my school and I think I'm going to take some chances. Maybe they'll work out maybe not but in the end I'm always learning. Tryout for the play are in two days and I'll hopefully have a series of funny anecdotes and defintions on the audition process.
Last but not least I made a tumblr cause it's what all the cool artsy kids are doing and they are pretty. It may fall flat on it's face but trying never hurt anyone. (Look how I take my life lessons and apply them to wonderful trivial internet things)