This

Two posts in one day but this is totally worth it. The most used words are the biggest and I think that it represents the blog pretty well. Also it's just SO COOL!

Wordle people check it out!

FANCHILD ALERT

This is partly fanchild and part new lesson today. I'll start with the lesson cause it has a nice segue into my deep passionate totally mentally based yet platonic love for david levithan.

So I helped run orientation day today for the grade nines. It was my job to promote band and choir and the arts to the new members of my community.

What started off as a cheery "Get involved with your school's arts program sign up for band or choir today!"

Took an hour of not being listened to,mocked and ignored to change to

"Band and Choir"

and a few more hours to change to...

"Confident in your heterosexuality boys? Stick it to the jocks and join band or choir"

Needless to say we only had 10 signups total.

But it got me thinking about my orientation day. How different I was. Cause high school whether you have a good time or not is important. Even in a school as small as mine it's not very hard to reinvent yourself. Whats cool about orientation day is that these kids are picking their new lives and actually becoming young adults. The teams and clubs and classes that they chose are going to bombard them with new people and experiences. High school changes people.



AND SEGUE!

What's my connection? Well what I love most about David Levithan is the fact that he provides such an amazing array of characters gay straight etc etc and it's no big deal

Cause that's the way life works right? Or at least if you live in a moderately tolerant community gay and straight and whatever aren't huge. What I hate about LGBT teen literature is that a lot of it is one giant stereotype spread over the course of a novel. So not only is David Levithan a great writer who makes people feel all happy and stuff but he writes real characters who aren't defined by their straight or gayness. David Levithan takes the whole high school world and growing up and what it does to you and keeps it real.
That's something I learned this summer. That keeping it real is the best and most important thing you can do. We so often decide what everyone else is going to do what they are thinking and people surprise us.It's really beautiful.
So what this long and jumbled fangirl post comes down to is these three things
1.David Levithan Rocks
2.Keeping it real is great it lets us move forward and grow
3. By keeping it real we have to assume others are keeping it real and stop writing scripts for everyone then people surprise us and it's amazing.
One week left getting a new roll of film developed. I think I'm ready for this to be over.

memories like mohair sweaters stressed and pilled with distressed letters

Welcome to my school. Check out that amazing polyvore-ish display of uniformed perfection.Actually I don't mind my uniform I get to wear a skirt (an unflattering polyester one but beggars can't be choosers right?)

I am a catholic school girl and a choir girl and a band geek and..... Well a bit of an outsider in terms of representing my school's values at times.

I have a lot of issues with my church the whole anti gay,abortion and really in terms of roman catholic ideals women. Right now I'm kind of lacking religion. But I'm not lacking belief.

If I could pick one thing that I think defines humans from everything else it would be belief.

Because whether you are religious or agnostic or an atheist you believe in something even if that something is a belief in nothing.

Life is nothing without passion right?

Our beliefs create passion. Last year after Obama was elected there was a huge debate in my school with our official pro life club "Silent No More" who wore black tshirts and handed out red strings in mourning for the thousands of murdered unborn babies.

I handed out special pro choice strings and debated in the hallways.

It was a pretty big deal.

It's strange going to mass and singing about God when I have such an issue with the catholic church. But I love singing the Pergolisi Suite every Good Friday and this amazing feeling that absolutely consumes my soul when i sing or listen to people who are better than me. So I take a more secular approach to my enjoyment of the pieces. (By the way Pergolisi lived a pretty crazy cool life check him out)

I know a lot of people my age who are getting into Buddhism and that's cool. I like the idea of figuring out how you fit in the universe and how you have to do that by realizing how tiny yet important we all are. I'm also a fan of their lack of a GOD WHO WILL SAVE ALL YOU TERRIBLE PEOPLE!

But in the end belief is belief and it gives us something to hold onto a reassurance of something constant.

So what do I believe in? I believe that all humankind is strong and resourceful and beautiful and good. That in the end everything will be okay as long as we take hold of that goodness and put it to work.

Summer is ending I go back on the eighth and if anything I want to bottle up how I feel right now and be able to call upon it .

Also if you can't tell from my title I'm on an Andrew Bird kick.

I am ANGRY!

I'm opinionated,passionate and pigheaded. These are often seen as disadvantages to my personality and sometimes they are. But today I am in full fledged rant mode.
I am woman,hear me roar cyberspace.
So there is this woman MamaV who is a big believer in self esteem crushing the pro ana movement etc etc. All very good things. She struggled with "disordered eating" and wants to speak out. Also really good.
But she takes on this role as a superhuman taking the anorexics and sad housewives saving them.
I have a few issues with MamaV

1. She has never admitted to a full fledged ED. Check out her blog read her story tell me what you think. I see a woman in serious denial.
2.She has a moderate holier than thou attitude also a major turn off.
3. Jellygate

What is jelly-gate? In a nutshell a woman posted on one of the posts on MamaV's latest venture "We are the real deal" that there was nothing representing the broad demographic that the website so ferociously pushes.
So this is where all my suspicions came to the forefront .
MamaV attacks! She is quick and cruel signing off with "Barbie The Goddess You Will Never Be"

So now I start to really wonder can this woman give advice? We are all flawed we all lash out but to attack someone for pointing out the oh to obvious makes me think that she needs to work through some issues before she puts herself out there online. Blogs are public and if you get noticed get ready for something big to happen.
People want to be represented. This idea that WATRD so advocated that fat thin and average and gay and straight and white and black and every other colour of skin and nationality well
We have some body issues.
So maybe the panel of people need to be revaluated, or the issues they speak on need to be rethought cause MamaV was/is a lifeline to many.
Since jellygate and jelly-apologygate new women have come onto the panel which I'm happy about.
But I don't think I'll be checking out WATRD for a while. They is a lot of bad air circulating through that little corner of cyberspace and I feel a little hurt and kind of lost. I've always been a rare breed in the ED recovery community...but more on that later.
Readers...if you are out there check out the links and tell me what you think! I've spent a few days on this post editing for excessive bitchyness. Hope it's coherent.

p.s on a happier note here is a link to my most favoritest webcomic of all time.

I'm a terrible blogger! I thought I could commit but life takes over (please do not assume I have a social life instead I've had a lot of family time vacations etc etc.) But here's what I have learned during my hiatus.



Love,Like,Relationships are never ever easy.



DUH! Well of course I knew this but did I ever realize how hard it would be? Like even getting to square one date wise?



In my first post I asked what a date was,though my bio sis has had a relationship or two (against the family rules by the way). She has yet to be on a date.



NOTE: I believe in dating the "old fashioned way" dates first then you are that persons boyfriend girlfriend etc etc.







Well though the date never happened I learned what one consisted of.







A LESSONS FOR MY SISTER DEFINITION







Date [dey-te] noun,verb ,dat-ed,date-ing. A meeting of two persons of a romantically social manner in which the dater pays for the date-ee. Examples of a date often include entertainment and food. Food is always good cause it stops you from talking too much. Movie talkers should undergo extensive rehabilitation before going on dates. Dates are very fragile,mothers are especially fragile about first dates.







There we have it our first definition!







Back to my big realization that relationships are hard. What really makes them hard is other people though. But enough on that I'm starting to sound angsty.







Another thing I learned... yes I did learn a lot how could you not look at this landscape and think?

A huge part of my blog is about growing up. This is the 2nd largest stage of my brain development (The first was around ages 2-6). As I get older mentally and physically it's hard for me to deal with at times. For example growing two bra sizes in the same number of months. I have a precious collection of gray tshirts all gone because I have really really weird genes.
Something I had to learn the hard and long way with the help of my friends family therapist and the voice of amazingness in cyberspace HAIL MARY. Was that my body will change. I have to accept that slowly and learn to at least like it.
It's even stranger because as I learn to deal with my rapidly evolving body my parents have to deal with my rapidly changing mind.
It took me a very very long time to admit to anyone I wanted to go on dates or have crushes or be in relationships. I'm stupidly cynical really. So now that I want these things and am rushing to the starting gate I have to realize....
NOBODY ELSE IS THERE! Continuing with the racetrack metaphor they aren't even at the track. So I need to take a step back.
We all want the world to agree with us to see things our way at our times. So my sisters I ask you to join with me in remembering to give our parents a break.
If there is anything that i have learned in the past few weeks love/like/lust is difficult and throwing in angry confused parents makes it even harder.

Wow...
Glad I got all that off my chest.

Anyways... I am asking the readers (the few that there are whom I love. please don't be creeped out). To put up with me while I try a few new things with this blog. I'm going to try putting some more varied posts about the things that are important to me and I hope you'll comment on them. Of the very very few things I know for sure (no clue how Oprah writes one every month.) I know that finding your passions and putting them out there are VERY important to growing up. I have a few things on the burner such as
JELLY-GATE and my opinions of the self esteem saver mamaVISION
God,Abortions,Buddhism,GSA's and being a choir girl in a catholic school.
and my love affair with David Levithan and his amazing novellas.


Did you make it through the whole post?

PS I am now a Twit!

Today I learned about language. It's amazing how the vibrations of our vocal cords contain so much. But what is a voice without an ear?

So many times we all seem to forget to listen. Not just hear but listen. Sometimes it's harder to listen then it is to talk. It's finding that balance that is so tough. As I mentioned in my first ever post being a teenager is almost impossible at times. Humans by our very nature are self centered,not just teenagers and striking the balance between talking and listening is what keeps our sanity and friendships.

In my first post I also talked alot about how rapidly growing up changes. What amazes me is that with every option we have to talk to people we feel like our voices are'nt heard. I am not saying that this is the only generation that has felt silenced for every generation has. Maybe it's because with every chance we are given to show ourselves to the world we are given one more place to spread a persona.

Maybe none of these million outlets ask for a real person.

Status updates should be proclaimations of our amazing lives or Jerry Seinfeld esque witty observations. Perhaps the reason that we have'nt seen a rush to the comedy clubs that was seen is in the 80's is because every wannabe comedian has simply taken to their twitter account.

Maybe this is a blessing. Two painful hours in a comedy club reduced to 140 characters. But if we don't take advantage of these oppertuinties to make our voices heard then what vare we going to miss out on?

Once again it all comes down to a balancing act of talking and listening and being confident in being heard. Because once you learn balance it's as easy as breathing the hardest part is to move on.

Dreaming of the time when you are free from all the trouble you're in

Sorry for not updating in what feels like so long! So I combined one draft and one new lesson into a borderline sermon on discovery in the summertime.

Today I learned about "accomplishments" and how often we forget what they really are.

Summer "time" kicked in and I was shocked to find out that today was a Wednesday. That kind of scares me I don't want summer to slip by ala Arthur's "The Short Quick Summer"

But despite my qualms I am learning the joys of laziness. I've found a way to kill my internal clock and now can easily wake up at 10:00. This is important. So much of the time it feels like we are all under the gun. I'm all for one living life to the fullest like every day was my last etc etc.

I'm figuring out that summer doesn't have to be defined by how many people I hang out with or parties or events or anything like that. I can be a total recluse for days and then just go play tennis at the local courts and buy Dora the explorer Popsicles. That writing summer to do lists can be motivating and fun but often all a day needs is a new playlist,a good library book and shade in your favorite hammock. And that wraps up early summer lesson one.

Today I learned about friendships...and irony.

Today taught me that sometimes even when we are so convinced that were going to have one friend forever. Perhaps even remarking on this the morning before you see the other person,but maybe while sitting by the lake you realize.

"I'm outgrowing you"

And you don't want this,nobody wants it. But I think you really truly actually grow up the day you say "I don't care about growing up". I've never been one to judge and whatever illegal activities my teenage friends will involve themselves in I'm okay with that. But it's this absolute race to finish line of adulthood that scares me.

My friends call me a 40 year old. I like "strange music" Which by the way check out check Ohbijou and Regina Spektor they both have newish albums out and they are amazing!

But I think my most defining 40 year old quality is the fact that I am content where I am. I'm not searching for anything better I just want to try and learn as much as I can prepare yet live in the moment and live a great life full of contradictions and confusion and new experiences.

So I grow up, I grow down but in the end we all outgrow. The nice thing about the past though is that we never have to kill the memories. I will laugh at my grade 7 "I'm so dark and twisted lets wear lots of eyeliner and take it off before I go home"stage. I'll cry at the sad memories we shared I'll laugh at our moments of silliness. But in the end things aren't the same. I'm not the same and she is. We'll move on in our lives and we can thank each other for helping each other make it this far.

Summer makes me reflective it makes me melancholy at times but I am always learning.