Opening Night It's opening night! It's our latest show will it flop or will it go?

Remember way back in the day when I  posted about auditioning for the play?
Well if you can't tell from the title it is opening night. And I guess we could call this the first ever lessons for my sister liveblog. I'm on my lovely friend Peter's laptop. Because this is a liveblog I don't really know where this is going but this feels like the right thing to do.

Which brings me to lesson number one
Sometimes you have to go with your gut. From attempting a liveblog to picking that slightly more difficult song for the spring concert to well being in the school play there are always going to be things that are a little different or a little scary. And that's when we go with our gut. We stop, we think and we go with instinct number one refusing to acknowledge the stupid second thoughts that threaten to consume us.

Today I learned about letting go. As I write this people run over scenes and practice blocking and touch up false eyelashes and yell at other cast members for touching their flashlight and the room is a mess and well it's general chaos. But the curtain is going to go up in nine minutes and there will be nothing we can do. The show must go on right? Though I'm sure we all harbour the fear that things will go so wrong that the show will not go on. So as type I am surrounded by what looks to be simply a group of people gone mad. Or as we like to call ourselves actors.

Today I was reminded of commitments. We live in a world that discredits commitment. It's not really expected anymore.We should aim for total commitment but there is this understanding that In play related news the actors have just left for their posistions on stage. Four minutes and counting. Cue that Madonna song getting stuck in my head. It's been months of work all for this. Seven shows. Which seems like a lot now that I type it. But I guess all we can do is take this thing one show at time. One act at a time. One scene as a time.  Scenes that have been run over and over and over
and over again. 


  And we got this. I keep telling myself that we got this. Six minutes behind schedule we were just told (quite politely) to shut up. They're telling the audience (politely) to shut up and the swingle singers are playing in the backround. That music reminds me of the million times I've heard it played. The million times I've sang along to it in rehersals. I never thought that I would invest this much time or learn to care so much about this thing. I guess that this is like the rest of my life. Investing time, making commitments and starting to love well...whatever it is. Babies, spouses, hopefully jobs. I know that I'm doing a lot of expanding here but you know I've had a lot of time to think about my future lately.

  Our first laugh. It's followed by another...and another. Now they're clapping. Apperently there are'nt many people out there but I don't care. If this is the rush I get out of someone else's applause I know that the real deal will be brilliant.


It was.


This is late but the lessons have had a chance to sink in.
Can something as insignificant as three boring,commonplace lines change you?
Answer:
Yes.

Calling out for extra help You've got to let me in Or let me out

Today I learned that sometimes we need to let go. If you're socially awkward like I am it's easy to develop a formula when you are talking to someone. Especially when it's someone you don't usually talk to. Especially when it seems so easy to be negative or try to be witty and pithy (which usually ends with you falling flat on your face). But I've learned that sometimes you have to let go of all the anxiety that rushes around in your head and actually focus on the conversation because when you're so caught up in saying the right thing you're not really listening.

And the things you listen to are surprising and interesting and funny and at the risk of sounding super lame I would said that the things you hear can be enlightening.

Today I was reminded that there is a whole other world outside of me and that it is just as important to the people inside of it as my world is to me.

I learned that every once and a while you need to remind yourself that the world revolves around the sun not you. It sounds weird and clichéd but it's true. We get so caught up in ourselves,our emotion, our world that we forget the six and a half billion people out there. Or the eight hundred in our school or the five in our family.

Have a real conversation today, have one with someone outside your world. 

Study up cause there's a big test coming up and it's called the rest of our lives.

Because Happy is What Happens When All Your Dreams Come True.

Sorry for not posting for almost a whole month! Things have been slow lately in terms of learning lessons and fast in terms of school and life in general. But lucky for you cyberspace I've learned some big lessons lately. 
Today I learned that sometimes you get exactly what you want. Everything that you have been doing in order to reach that one goal has worked. You've crossed the finish line.
And it's terrible. 
I've learned that nothing ever works out the way we script it as. If we want a clean break we imagine others will only agree with us. As human beings (teenagers especially) we're selfish. If we want something we hope , we expect that everyone will just go along with us. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't , disagreeing is practically guaranteed. And sometimes you win.
And it hurts.
I've learned that we don't always know what's best for ourselves. We want to. We want to be the one in charge, the one who knows everything about ourselves and our interests (god help you if you've had therapy because that just assures you that there is NOTHING you don't know about yourself. ) Sometimes we have to listen to what other people are saying. Even when it's hard. Even when it seems inconsequential or stupid or just wrong.
You have to listen because otherwise you hear it and you react to it and you don't let it hit you. It won't hit you until hours days or weeks later. 
Sometimes all these things hit you at once and all you can do is go into autopilot until you can get home sit in that chair by the window and think.
You have think until you know what to say. 
Now that's left is to hope that someone will listen.




PS. Sorry for the emotional teenage post. What can I say I'm an emotional teenager today and I just needed to post. 
I'm going to be trying to post daily for a while. That means shorter but hopefully more quality posts.
Quality and quantity! Who would have thought!
On a happier note here is one of my favourite webcomics. It's incredibly addicting. 
QC

The North American Dream Sweeping Team.

Today I learned about humility. When you are a white middle class teenage girl (or anyone really though the white middle class is especially good at this) it's easy to see yourself as a "saviour" (a great example of this is How Not to Write About Africa). I have to say I was like that when I learned I would be participating in a habitat for humanity project. It's easy to get a swollen head when people are telling you how great it is that you are doing this, the gift that you are giving someone.
Yes I am giving the gift of my time, I am making a small small contribution. 
I had to be reminded of that. We all have to be reminded of that.
How?
Well sweeping for about eight solid hours will do that for you.
I did briefly use some power tools and I put up some drywall but basically it was solid sweeping. Picking up discarded pieces of wood and insulation. Cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning.
I must admit I complained. I bitched. But I got the job done. By the end of the day I was tired and covered in a thin layer of dust.
I was at a loss for what I had learned. What I had contributed.
It was only when I saw on my facebook page that another student was talking about how happy he was that he didn't go. That it was ridiculous to spend $50 dollars on a broom (all participants must raise $50 in pledges.)
That's when I saw the I's. That's when I realized that this day wasn't about being a saviour and it wasn't a waste of time.
Volunteering is simply about time. It's about effort and contributing no matter what the cost. It's about solitude sometimes and bonding with people others. It's about doing what is needed not what looks pretty. It's about giving everything you have whether it's your talents or simply some physical labour.
In a way it's about giving up and giving of yourself. 
So I guess the only thing I'm left wondering is
What are we going to do next?

Boo to the business world! You are working for the joy of giving.

Hello blogosphere! Guess what! I no longer have to pray that this blog makes it to the big time or put terrible ads on it so I can support my various habits and (totally legal) addictions! Why you may ask? 

BECAUSE I HAVE A JOB!

Since that glorious moment last Friday at noon I have renamed myself "Job Guru" and I am now ready to share my knowledge with cyberspace.

Okay not really seeing as I searched for a job for about two years and I only ever had one interview.

But like all things I've learned something about life and seeing as that is the purpose of this blog I might as well write it down here.

Out there in the big wide world we are constantly being appraised. For instance today I saw a poster for a really terrible looking movie whose tag line is "What happens when a 5 goes out with a 10?"

Yeah I'm rushing to the theatre to see that one.

My point though is that life is like one giant antiques road show. Especially the whole process of applying for a job thing. You go in there put all your best references and try your best to make yourself look like a puppy hugging starving family feeding rabbit hutch building for unemployed fluffy bunnies model citizen. Sometimes they believe you and you're like that guy with the six million dollar blanket that he bought at a garage sale for two bucks and other times you're that guy who comes in with a bugle from the civil war only to find out that it was made in Taiwan in the 80s. 
What I'm trying to get at is that getting a job requires a lot of luck. People don't like to admit that because it's makes them the employed and the overall better smarter person. So maybe the interviewer likes your shoes or they have a thing for the courier font so they remember you. 
This means that especially in these economic times jobs are going to be hard to come by whether your sixteen or forty six and that sucks. Especially if you are at the older range and I really don't have much advice for you yet. But if you are young take this as a blessing. You'll be working for the rest of you're life and maybe pushing that back a while could be a good thing.

We're so helpless, we're slaves to our own forces.

Last night I preformed at my school's coffeehouse. I also helped to run it but that seemed secondary to the iron fist of nerves which was holding my stomach in a death grip. But you know what? I was ready and like all things I learned something.

Fear is something that we let define us, at least partially. Our fears (my fears) help to define us.

A fear of preforming, a fear of germs all of these things stop us from living our lives.

We might not even realize that we want to do these things but there comes a night when we are sleep deprived and anxious and make an angst ridden conclusion such as....oh I don't know

"I hate my life and everything about it and I'm so boring so let's do something totally out of character"

But you know what?

Despite all my freaking out it was okay.

I don't feel any different and maybe that's not the point of it all.

A Modern Family episode talked about how maybe we can only change ourselves about 15% and that makes sense to me. But even if we can only change 15% there is so much out there that we can experiment with. So out of 100 attempts at change we get 15 right and 85 other learning experiences.

Sounds pretty good to me.

Tony makes 60 K, invests in IRA’s, But I’m busy making paper airplanes out of resumes

Here's what I've learned. Like the mediocre song says breaking up is hard to do. One would assume that it's even harder when you are not in a romantic relationship. But either this is something that everyone goes through or I'm just some psycho. I like option one best.

It's not you it's me, We've both changed though, I need space. All lines from the book of George Costanza, lines I never thought I would be saying them but last week that's all I could say. You know clichés are underrated. Kafka and Shakespeare loved a good cliché and sometimes they are the best way to express something. I've learned that sometimes things need to be said. It's best to pick the timing well and to phrase it well but sometimes that doesn't work out. Sometimes we say things like oh I don't know.... "You need to get your head out of your butt and realize there is a whole world outside your petty drama" (Man that looks terrible when typed). But it leads to better things. I've talked about friendships fading and also the terrible massive fight end to a friendship but I've never had a real "mutual break up". I think that part of growing up is re-evaluating relationships. Seeing what is healthy and what's not. Codependency, building resentment and secrets are not healthy and they aren't real friendships and sometimes it's better to step back versus try to work something out that maybe isn't worth working out. It's been a while since this all went down and I have to say I'm feeling pretty damn good about it. There's a whole world out there and it's waiting to be rediscovered. This post is pretty doom and gloom so I'll end on a happier note 1. Employment is looking up for me and if can get a job anyone can. 2. Spring is almost sprung! Weather is gorgeous go for a bike,ride,walk see some flowers takes some pictures and smile.

Everything is alive it's time you were too.