Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Talk to me.

Today (okay a few days ago I'm late writing this) I was reminded about how lame most of the world's perception of women is.
I've never had a Sex in the City envy , never craved a clique and I never got that whole "gabbing" thing. I learned that only the last part of that sentence is wrong. I learned that as women (or men) we are often told that a group of women getting together and talking is "gabbing" it is trivial and really if a woman wants to be more intelligent and make herself more like a man then she has to avoid that. But we really are deluding ourselves that men sit around talking about politics or even sports. They talk on the same level of "triviality" that women do. Does this mean that we should never scratch below the surface? Of course not, but just talking about who made out with who at what party or our latest date was like is a way to help us figure out what we need to do next. Conversations like this make us feel comfortable and safe and they help us get to the deep stuff.
Sorry Carrie Bradshaw still not a fan but we have to learn that if we want women to be considered as equals then we need to stop discrediting ourselves. 

Friday, June 25, 2010

Falling, yes I am falling, And she keeps calling me back again.

Today I learned about promises. When I was studying for my anthropology/psychology/sociology exam there were questions about human potential and as usual I over analyzed everything  but it made me think about promise and potential.
This summer has the promise to be a lot of things as most summers do. Two months will fly by and in a way this is a last summer. Next year will be about goodbyes and moving on. So this summer has to count. We can try and make lists and plans but we know those only sometimes come to fruition. So we promise and we trust in the promise of summer. The promise of our potential. We will create more memories with the people we hold dear. 
Two months is filled with everything. I know it won't be 90210 and it probably won't even be Daria or Glee but it will be life. 
That will be enough.
This is short but I think it's important.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

tick tock

Around this time last year I started talking about dating and relationships. I thought I was figuring them out and was hoping I could get some good lessons on such a tricky topic. Those series of posts were later followed up with a post about how people lie. So I guess I though I didn't have the best experience ( or really any experience) I learned something.
Timing is weird. Sometimes I imagine a higher power just sitting at a board game ,drinking and just going "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING MEAN TO THAT PUPPY. NO LOVE LIFE FOR YOU"
Maybe that's a bit blasphemous.
Anyways what I am saying is that this week I learned to wait.
Time moves like it is on it's own schedule. Sometimes minutes feel like hours and other times you blink and a few months have past. But time is always there and in time we grow. We have time to search and time to find. There is always enough time for things to sneak up on us whether it's assignments or people or chances. Sometimes we make them sometimes we don't.
In a year I've learned that time doesn't have to depend on anything or anyone. Time passes no matter who we are with or what we are doing. I learned that time doesn't just have to be passed but can be used and grabbed ,harnessed for us.
Time is a tool. 
Time is a friend.
Time is running out and soon time will become more fluid and much less readable. 
Summer time. 
I'm scared by how similar this post is to my previous "starting summer" post but I'm different now.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

365 Days Five Hundred Twenty Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes 52 Lessons

It's been one year. Can you believe it? I've stuck with this for one year and I hope that there are many more.

This post is going to be a bit of a retrospective and a bit of personal reflection and hopefully a few lessons thrown in. Usually I spend a few days working blog posts over but today is important and I need to get a post done.
I was reading over my first post and I've never had an incredible memory but I can remember the exact moment that I was describing in that introduction. I remember the song I was listening to (window bird by stars) and I remember what floor I was on as I stood in the elevator (six). I remember the questions I was asking myself all of which were about relationships and who asks who and all that crap. I asked questions like What does a date entail? Do teachers ever tell you the truth? How do you separate something deep from a pile of angst?
I can now say
1)  I already answered this in another post
2) Teacher do tell the truth sometimes. Teachers can be total ass faces but they can also be the kind of people who change your life. 
3) You separate something deep from a pile of angst by waiting. Passionate speeches work really well in works of fiction but often if we attempt them in real life we end up embarrassing ourselves or sounding incredibly cheesy. In a year I've had to say a lot of important things to a lot of important people. Some of these things I thought out and waited before saying and others I just blurted out. The things I thought about always were a little less angsty and went over a little better.
I thought it would be cool to compile a list of all the lessons I've learned/taught this year so here we go!

1. Preparation is  just as important as the end result
2.You never figure everything out about everyone. Or anyone for that matter.
3.Never trust ANYONE who tells you where your exam is not the commissionaire or your classmates NOBODY
4.Possibility is the most fickle thing in the world and when it disappears that is not the end of the world. 
5.Summer doesn't have to be defined by how many people I hang out with or parties or events
6.often all a day needs is a new playlist,a good library book and shade in your favorite hammock.
7.Remember to listen. Not just hear but listen.
8.Love,Like,Relationships are never ever easy.
9.That your body will change. You have to accept that slowly and learn to at least like it.
10.It's okay to lack religion but life is pretty hard when you lack belief.
11.Accomplishments are measured by "Done" lists not "To Do" lists.
12.Expectations are important not only do that make life worth living by giving us a reason to wake up in the morning.
13.People lie..
a lot.
14.It's okay to cry.
15.We're always going to make mistakes with our friends.
16.The worst thing that can ever happen when you try is that you will fall flat on you're face. But at least you can say "I was there"
17.Sarcasm is fun optimism helps us grow.
18.Scary things are important.
20.There is no way that you can grow up without assessment. doesn't have to be about deep thoughts or trying to get somewhere with something all the time.
22.Growing up is confusing period
23.there are things in life that I refer to as big deals and these are important to talk about
24.knowing where you came from and why your life is how it is, is well important. We lament and celebrate and learn from the past.
25.We all get pigheaded and sometimes it's a good thing, being able to stick to your guns makes your a better debater/conversationalist/interesting person.
26.Making your voice heard is important and whether you follow popular or unpopular viewpoint as long as you are not spreading hate well your doing the right thing. 
27.maybe it's this crazy rush to get all the cool/important stuff in that helps us prioritize. could be in a box car or something in the middle of winter with not much else and as long as you had great people with you then it won't be so bad.
29.classy and comfortable always beat out skanky and uncomfortable.
30.there is not a single "meaning of life" but instead there is a lot of things crammed together and if we can figure at least one of them out then we're doing a pretty good job.
31.Having passion is imporant.
32.We all can so often find ourselves obsessed with perfection especially during the holidays. But that is never going to happen so we might as well give it our best shot and then throw in the towel.
33.Check the expiry dates on tofu.
34.we all need to set goals because that's what gives us the motivation to have our done lists.
35. On new years eve You can't look back and focus on the bad or the mediocre. You have to find one day where you felt infinite and hope that by this time next year that you can find at least two.
36.Listening to the voice inside your head and talking it out can be good (Of course only when this voice is normal and not talking shit about you or telling you to do bad things.If so get help asap)
37.Change is always a mixed bag.
38.sometimes despite our innate stubbornness the smartest thing is to get out.
39.Terrible things are going to happen. They shouldn't and nobody deserves them and maybe there will come a time where everybody's lives are perfect. But right now they're not.But we trust that in these things we can only grow.
40.Love your neighbourhood. Go take pictures. Remember that this will always be "home" because this is where you grew up. You will come back and the tree's will seem a little less tall your neighbour's garden a little less lush and the playground will be a little less maintained but you will have pictures.
You will have memories.
You will have your childhood forever preserved by a street sign.
41.Maybe we can only change ourselves about 15% and that makes sense to me. But even if we can only change 15% there is so much out there that we can experiment with. So out of 100 attempts at change we get 15 right and 85 other learning experiences.
42.Volunteering is simply about time. It's about effort and contributing no matter what the cost. In a way it's about giving up and giving of yourself. 
43.experimenting is important. Being safe while experimenting is of course one of the more important parts of that lesson but it's easy to forget that  old saying "You're only young once". 
44.we all need to take a moment and see how much we have changed. See what we have let into our lives.
And be grateful.
And care.
45.Sometimes you have to go with your gut
46.sometimes we need to let go. 
47.every once and a while you need to remind yourself that the world revolves around the sun not you.
48.I've learned that nothing ever works out the way we script it as.
50. We need to learn to show more sides of ourselves or maybe accept the fact that there will be a different public self and until our world gets a little more diverse it'll be a pretty narrow picture.
51.There will be things that we can never do alone but that we have to. Things like solo's or making tough decisions about your own future. 
So we have to tell ourselves to take a back seat. We have to get rid of everything inside of us that is scared or worried or unsure.
52.There are lessons and beauty in every moment of sadness and joy and anger and confusion.

I hope I have taught my sisters something. I know I have taught myself something.

Friday, June 4, 2010

it's like totally the latest thing though I didn't expect you to have it

Well for a few short weeks there I had formspring. 

In case you are unaware is this website where people ask you anonymous questions.
Yes it sounds stupid but humans want to know what other people think of them.
Especially teenagers - we know that we are our own worst critics but we want confirmation of that. We want the good the bad and the ugly. 
From this I've learned that I put a good face forward. I don't cause drama and I think people like me for that. And their comments reflect that like or at least moderate amount of respect.
I've learned once again that I don't want to be the kind of girl who is definable. We spend so much of our lives trying to find out who the hell we are that it's easy to give into labels. We can be the weird dresser, or the singer, or the drama maker or the jock or the queer.
But what if that's not all?
I found that people tried to define me a lot while asking formspring questions, as if I spent all my time contemplating one part of me. Things that just are. 
I guess that I need to learn to show more sides of myself or maybe accept the fact that there will be a public me and until my world gets a little more diverse it'll be a pretty narrow picture.
And I guess I have to be okay with that for a while because I'm happier now. I am myself. The rest of the world will figure that out soon enough right?
Liking ourselves as a whole is often difficult, we should at least learn to like one of our "selves". 
We're approaching the blogoversary really soon. I don't know if anyone will respond but I would love to hear any ideas you have for a one year post!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Dress Rehearsals

Ever since the smash hit Glee hit the airwaves the world has fallen in love with choir, and show tunes. I of course being the perpetual geek loved this stuff anyways , I'm the band geek, the choir nerd. Glee has provided me with the moments that I dream of. You know the one's where you are singing and suddenly the stage lights come up and it's just you on that stage and it could be just you on this planet and you don't care because this is your moment.
Well I never thought I would get one of those but I did.
It happened accidentally. We were practicing in the gym and they were setting up stage lights for tomorrow's concert and it just happened that the gym lights were turned off and the lovely glowy stage lights came up just as my solo started.
It was here that the lesson hit me. 
First of all I had never wanted anything more badly in my life than this solo (it's the female one). So I worked and I got it. So I guess that's a lesson but I'm sure you read the little engine that could at least once during your childhood.
What I really learned today is that we need to learn to lose ourselves.
There will be things that we can never do alone but that we have to. Things like solo's or making tough decisions about your own future. 
So we have to tell ourselves to take a back seat. We have to get rid of everything inside of us that is scared or worried or unsure.
It's funny because when we lose ourselves if only for a few minutes (or bars of music) we arrive back into our bodies slightly different. It's a tiny change but it's for the best and it pushes us towards the day that we won't have to lose ourselves anymore.

I channeled Mercedes Jones by the way. Give me her over Rachel Berry any day.