Friday, February 26, 2010

it's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood

It snowed
and snowed
and snowed
and snowed today (though not in time to call it a snow day)
So after a long long long day at school I made an apology,ate a cookie and went for a walk bringing along my trusty SLR. As I pretended to cross country ski by sliding on the icy roads, fed my dog baloney so he would actually let me walk him (instead of him walking me) and took pictures I realized something.
God my neighbourhood is gorgeous.
I live in a town with 217 year old houses. They are expensive and gorgeous and by the lake and every time I bike down there I am very very jealous.
I'm in the "starter" neighbourhood and very happy there but it's not often you look at a brick 1960's bungalow and go "Wow! What an incredible looking house!" But with the sun setting, a blanket of snow falling around me and just the right mix of tunes I saw real beauty. I realized that this is the house where I grew up. My kindergarten fiancée lived around this corner. I caught a crayfish in this creek. I fell on my rollerblades here. I've laughed lived and loved here. It's not anything fancy but on every street there is something magical whether it is the giant tree with a branch that runs perfectly horizontal. In a world where houses are packed onto lots so small one can only take two steps onto concrete before hitting their fence. I get to live with an expansive garden and established plant life.
Though I think the real lesson is this
Love your neighbourhood. Go take pictures. Remember that this will always be "home" because this is where you grew up. You will come back and the tree's will seem a little less tall your neighbour's garden a little less lush and the playground will be a little less maintained but you will have pictures.
You will have memories.
You will have your childhood forever preserved by a street sign.

I had to use a Mr.Roger's quote. That was such a quintessential part of my childhood. Mr. Roger's is home too.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

But it all fades into morning when you open your eyes

So I auditioned for my school's coffeehouse! It went well and I was already for a post about challenging yourself and how sometimes we get so sick of our own lives that we do something crazy and out of the ordinary (and that post may come at a later date). Then I got into a fight with a friend and I was going to post about how sometimes we get so blind-sided by building emotions and short sentences that we miss the massive giant really really important point and in the end we get into massive fights and stuff (but then I realized I had learned nothing and it wouldn't make a very good post.)
Then I heard the news.
And I knew that things were different now. I knew what I would write about.
It's hard to get into someone else's head. Especially when you are opinionated and stubborn. So we see the black and white picture we go "This is wrong and scary. If I were you and would run away and never look back" because in our heads this is what makes sense to us. But then we remember that time where we tried to explain that thing we did to someone and everyone else just thought we were stupid.
And then you get it.
Terrible things are going to happen. They shouldn't and nobody deserves them and maybe there will come a time where everybody's lives are perfect. But right now they're not.But we trust that in these things we can only grow. We have to grow or we just throw in the towel. And we'll never understand why these things happen or how they happened or how we could let this happen but what we have to do is offer an awkward hug and cry and figure out what is going to happen.

Sunday, February 14, 2010


It's a funny thing the way were all told that at 16 there is no way that we can know what love is.
But I know love. I have yet to experience it in it's romantic form- I love.
I love the way the world smells after it rains
I love the way a good song is not just heard through your ears but pulsates through your whole body
I love that moment on the swingset when you and every other thought in the world - are suspended
I love the sound of my friend's laughter
I love the feeling of slowly waking up
I love how on just the right day at just the right moment anything can be possible
I love catching a smile with a stranger, the innocence of the moment enveloping you
I love the feeling of a tiny puppy in my arms how is practically shakes with energy and possibility
I love being affected by works of fiction in such profound ways
I love feeling connected
I love the sound that a large group of people make responding at once-the sound of something greater

I love that second when your working as a team when everything falls together. When you look at each other and think damn we did this!
I love those people who you can contact out of the blue and just "click" with again
I love that moment when you are running so fast your legs start to move by yourself and everything is- free
I love that feeling when you slip on a vintage dress. That feeling that the thing you are wearing was worn when lives were happening. The way yours is now.
I love the first word typed, the first letter written in a new notebook,the first snapshot on a roll of film and the first time you open a hardcover book.
I love how looking through a persons music collection can tell you so much about them
I love that I have a music collection that I think sends out a pretty good message.
I love how couples can be together for a million years or two days and yet the love is the same
I love my mother hugs
I love the way my sister links arms with me
I love my father's guitar
I love that moment when you first walk into someone's bedroom the sheer emotionally intimacy of it.
I love being young
I love acting older
I love being able to contradict myself in so many ways,but still feel whole

And finally- I love knowing that love comes in so many forms that somehow on the most couple oriented day of the year I can find love and beauty everywhere.

happy valentines day everyone
what do you love?

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Prooouuddd Proud to be Proud to see (this moment demands a tegan and sara song)

It's been a crazy three days. I've learned that discrimination is out there,ignorance is out there. Well I knew that but I don't think that I really understood what it felt like. I'm white and middle class living in liberal suburbia. But of course there will always be people who don't share my views...loudly. These views can be scary they can be offensive and in my mind they are wrong(but who am I to judge?). I know that people go through stuff like this every day. That discrimination or hatred is something that we will all experience and something we have to deal with.
I have been reminded though that I am a child. I can fight like an adult, I can speak like an adult but I am a child in this I realize that I should not have to feel the need to fight with adults every day.
So what do we do? For no matter how "average" my sister is she will experience some form of discrimination or belittlement.
Well we have a few options we can stay and fight, we can duck our heads down and hope for the best or we can get out.
You know sometimes despite our (my) innate stubbornness the smartest thing is to get out.
So I changed my schedule and since that 1:45 meeting with guidance I've had a massive smile on my face that nothing (not even the cooking class I know have to take) can wipe it off. I made my points I stood up for myself and what I believe in. I did all i could and maybe I didn't last long but I lasted long enough.
Now I'm going to keep myself safe because it is my right to feel safe where I learn.
I can handle that.

PS If your ever interested in the photography/less composed musings/musical tastes that I throw out onto the internet my tumblr is the place for that.