Showing posts with label action. Show all posts
Showing posts with label action. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

365 Days Five Hundred Twenty Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes 52 Lessons

It's been one year. Can you believe it? I've stuck with this for one year and I hope that there are many more.

This post is going to be a bit of a retrospective and a bit of personal reflection and hopefully a few lessons thrown in. Usually I spend a few days working blog posts over but today is important and I need to get a post done.
I was reading over my first post and I've never had an incredible memory but I can remember the exact moment that I was describing in that introduction. I remember the song I was listening to (window bird by stars) and I remember what floor I was on as I stood in the elevator (six). I remember the questions I was asking myself all of which were about relationships and who asks who and all that crap. I asked questions like What does a date entail? Do teachers ever tell you the truth? How do you separate something deep from a pile of angst?
I can now say
1)  I already answered this in another post
2) Teacher do tell the truth sometimes. Teachers can be total ass faces but they can also be the kind of people who change your life. 
3) You separate something deep from a pile of angst by waiting. Passionate speeches work really well in works of fiction but often if we attempt them in real life we end up embarrassing ourselves or sounding incredibly cheesy. In a year I've had to say a lot of important things to a lot of important people. Some of these things I thought out and waited before saying and others I just blurted out. The things I thought about always were a little less angsty and went over a little better.
I thought it would be cool to compile a list of all the lessons I've learned/taught this year so here we go!

1. Preparation is  just as important as the end result
2.You never figure everything out about everyone. Or anyone for that matter.
3.Never trust ANYONE who tells you where your exam is not the commissionaire or your classmates NOBODY
4.Possibility is the most fickle thing in the world and when it disappears that is not the end of the world. 
5.Summer doesn't have to be defined by how many people I hang out with or parties or events
6.often all a day needs is a new playlist,a good library book and shade in your favorite hammock.
7.Remember to listen. Not just hear but listen.
8.Love,Like,Relationships are never ever easy.
9.That your body will change. You have to accept that slowly and learn to at least like it.
10.It's okay to lack religion but life is pretty hard when you lack belief.
11.Accomplishments are measured by "Done" lists not "To Do" lists.
12.Expectations are important not only do that make life worth living by giving us a reason to wake up in the morning.
13.People lie..
a lot.
14.It's okay to cry.
15.We're always going to make mistakes with our friends.
16.The worst thing that can ever happen when you try is that you will fall flat on you're face. But at least you can say "I was there"
17.Sarcasm is fun optimism helps us grow.
18.Scary things are important.
20.There is no way that you can grow up without assessment.
21.life doesn't have to be about deep thoughts or trying to get somewhere with something all the time.
22.Growing up is confusing period
23.there are things in life that I refer to as big deals and these are important to talk about
24.knowing where you came from and why your life is how it is, is well important. We lament and celebrate and learn from the past.
25.We all get pigheaded and sometimes it's a good thing, being able to stick to your guns makes your a better debater/conversationalist/interesting person.
26.Making your voice heard is important and whether you follow popular or unpopular viewpoint as long as you are not spreading hate well your doing the right thing. 
27.maybe it's this crazy rush to get all the cool/important stuff in that helps us prioritize.
28.you could be in a box car or something in the middle of winter with not much else and as long as you had great people with you then it won't be so bad.
29.classy and comfortable always beat out skanky and uncomfortable.
30.there is not a single "meaning of life" but instead there is a lot of things crammed together and if we can figure at least one of them out then we're doing a pretty good job.
31.Having passion is imporant.
32.We all can so often find ourselves obsessed with perfection especially during the holidays. But that is never going to happen so we might as well give it our best shot and then throw in the towel.
33.Check the expiry dates on tofu.
34.we all need to set goals because that's what gives us the motivation to have our done lists.
35. On new years eve You can't look back and focus on the bad or the mediocre. You have to find one day where you felt infinite and hope that by this time next year that you can find at least two.
36.Listening to the voice inside your head and talking it out can be good (Of course only when this voice is normal and not talking shit about you or telling you to do bad things.If so get help asap)
37.Change is always a mixed bag.
38.sometimes despite our innate stubbornness the smartest thing is to get out.
39.Terrible things are going to happen. They shouldn't and nobody deserves them and maybe there will come a time where everybody's lives are perfect. But right now they're not.But we trust that in these things we can only grow.
40.Love your neighbourhood. Go take pictures. Remember that this will always be "home" because this is where you grew up. You will come back and the tree's will seem a little less tall your neighbour's garden a little less lush and the playground will be a little less maintained but you will have pictures.
You will have memories.
You will have your childhood forever preserved by a street sign.
41.Maybe we can only change ourselves about 15% and that makes sense to me. But even if we can only change 15% there is so much out there that we can experiment with. So out of 100 attempts at change we get 15 right and 85 other learning experiences.
42.Volunteering is simply about time. It's about effort and contributing no matter what the cost. In a way it's about giving up and giving of yourself. 
43.experimenting is important. Being safe while experimenting is of course one of the more important parts of that lesson but it's easy to forget that  old saying "You're only young once". 
44.we all need to take a moment and see how much we have changed. See what we have let into our lives.
And be grateful.
And care.
45.Sometimes you have to go with your gut
46.sometimes we need to let go. 
47.every once and a while you need to remind yourself that the world revolves around the sun not you.
48.I've learned that nothing ever works out the way we script it as.
50. We need to learn to show more sides of ourselves or maybe accept the fact that there will be a different public self and until our world gets a little more diverse it'll be a pretty narrow picture.
51.There will be things that we can never do alone but that we have to. Things like solo's or making tough decisions about your own future. 
So we have to tell ourselves to take a back seat. We have to get rid of everything inside of us that is scared or worried or unsure.
52.There are lessons and beauty in every moment of sadness and joy and anger and confusion.

I hope I have taught my sisters something. I know I have taught myself something.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The North American Dream Sweeping Team.

Today I learned about humility. When you are a white middle class teenage girl (or anyone really though the white middle class is especially good at this) it's easy to see yourself as a "saviour" (a great example of this is How Not to Write About Africa). I have to say I was like that when I learned I would be participating in a habitat for humanity project. It's easy to get a swollen head when people are telling you how great it is that you are doing this, the gift that you are giving someone.
Yes I am giving the gift of my time, I am making a small small contribution. 
I had to be reminded of that. We all have to be reminded of that.
How?
Well sweeping for about eight solid hours will do that for you.
I did briefly use some power tools and I put up some drywall but basically it was solid sweeping. Picking up discarded pieces of wood and insulation. Cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning.
I must admit I complained. I bitched. But I got the job done. By the end of the day I was tired and covered in a thin layer of dust.
I was at a loss for what I had learned. What I had contributed.
It was only when I saw on my facebook page that another student was talking about how happy he was that he didn't go. That it was ridiculous to spend $50 dollars on a broom (all participants must raise $50 in pledges.)
That's when I saw the I's. That's when I realized that this day wasn't about being a saviour and it wasn't a waste of time.
Volunteering is simply about time. It's about effort and contributing no matter what the cost. It's about solitude sometimes and bonding with people others. It's about doing what is needed not what looks pretty. It's about giving everything you have whether it's your talents or simply some physical labour.
In a way it's about giving up and giving of yourself. 
So I guess the only thing I'm left wondering is
What are we going to do next?





Thursday, February 4, 2010

Prooouuddd Proud to be Proud to see (this moment demands a tegan and sara song)

It's been a crazy three days. I've learned that discrimination is out there,ignorance is out there. Well I knew that but I don't think that I really understood what it felt like. I'm white and middle class living in liberal suburbia. But of course there will always be people who don't share my views...loudly. These views can be scary they can be offensive and in my mind they are wrong(but who am I to judge?). I know that people go through stuff like this every day. That discrimination or hatred is something that we will all experience and something we have to deal with.
I have been reminded though that I am a child. I can fight like an adult, I can speak like an adult but I am a child in this I realize that I should not have to feel the need to fight with adults every day.
So what do we do? For no matter how "average" my sister is she will experience some form of discrimination or belittlement.
Well we have a few options we can stay and fight, we can duck our heads down and hope for the best or we can get out.
You know sometimes despite our (my) innate stubbornness the smartest thing is to get out.
So I changed my schedule and since that 1:45 meeting with guidance I've had a massive smile on my face that nothing (not even the cooking class I know have to take) can wipe it off. I made my points I stood up for myself and what I believe in. I did all i could and maybe I didn't last long but I lasted long enough.
Now I'm going to keep myself safe because it is my right to feel safe where I learn.
I can handle that.


PS If your ever interested in the photography/less composed musings/musical tastes that I throw out onto the internet my tumblr is the place for that.


Sunday, January 24, 2010

On Pessimism

This is not really a lesson. It's a bit more of a reflection but I'm hoping it's taught me something and I just haven't noticed.

On Pessimism
We are dramatic
We jump to conclusions
We are raised on what if's and worst case scenarios
We all go through that phase where we only listen to music about death and pain and other lame stuff like that.
Maybe that's all just me but something I know for sure:
We are all pessimistic.
I especially have been pessimistic this past few weeks.
Pessimism is scary. It is not kind it does not spare people's feelings or dreams.
Pessimism takes everything that is light and everything that is in between and drags it down to it's own level.
As humans we want to be special. We all feel isolated. We all sometimes feel like we are the last sane person.
The last smart person.
The last person who has any real thoughts or morals or dreams that are actually pure.
We sometimes wonder if maybe we aren't human maybe something weird happened and we are an island.
Separate from anything else in the whole world.
It's comforting because it allows us to be truly separated from everything sad and commercial and scary.
Maybe thats just me.
I do know that pessimism makes life harder. We become islands unto ourself and as cheesy as the saying is no man is an island.
Of course though we are pessimistic about pessimism.
We convince ourself that the hopeless outlooks of everyone else (not ourself though we never put ourselves into that group of everyone else) we be the downfall of humanity.
But then it's time for a reality check because until the end of time the artists will keep painting and the writers will see those paintings and be inspired writing great poetry,novels and plays and so then the actors will preform those plays and the singers will sing songs about great art and the scientists will play that soundtrack as they work in their labs and all the mathematicians will change their desktop backgrounds.
And we'll keep moving forward.
Someone will look at all the pessimism in the world and all the songs about death and eyeliner and they will change it.
They will be few but nobody goes through their whole life being pessimistic cause those people usually kill themselves.
We will write facebook notes we will smile at strangers we will let someone have our seat on the bus.We will stand up for what is right and we will not be stupidly optimistic we will be confident in our own kind because strangely we must (in a way) join the mob if we want to make stands as an individual.
We will grow
We will change
We will continue.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

What your cheering for the 15 year old mediocre singer? Scream for the 81 year old man!!

Yesterday I had the chance to go this concert/conference called me to we. Or they called it "We Day" but like the rogers centre(For you non Canadians it's a sports stadium in Toronto that was formerly called the sky dome and I will always call it that). Anyways... it was run by free the children which is a pretty cool organization. I wasn't a huge fan of Justin Beiber or surprise guests the Jonas Brothers but ELI WEISEL WAS THERE
He wrote this book called
Night which I consider on of the most influential books I have ever read. I hope to find a picture of me having my fan girl explosion later but I have been too lazy to upload pictures.
So...I guess I need to get to my point.
The day was empowering it was eclectic and electric. It makes you want to do more. I guess that is my point. That you can see everything that is terrible in the world and you can sit and cry (which sometimes you do need to do) or you can sit down and say HOW CAN I CHANGE THIS? Sometimes we like to throw money at a cause and hope that it will go away but really we need to get out there and do something. This day made me not only question myself as an activist but it made me question myself as a person. How often do we see the big issue get scared and do something small?
Big issues call for big solutions sometimes.
I have more stories to tell but I am trying to keep one story to one post so there will probably be multiple posts today.



Saturday, August 22, 2009

I am ANGRY!

I'm opinionated,passionate and pigheaded. These are often seen as disadvantages to my personality and sometimes they are. But today I am in full fledged rant mode.
I am woman,hear me roar cyberspace.
So there is this woman
MamaV who is a big believer in self esteem crushing the pro ana movement etc etc. All very good things. She struggled with "disordered eating" and wants to speak out. Also really good.
But she takes on this role as a superhuman taking the anorexics and sad housewives saving them.
I have a few issues with
MamaV

1. She has never admitted to a full fledged ED.
Check out her blog read her story tell me what you think. I see a woman in serious denial.
2.She has a moderate holier than thou attitude also a major turn off.
3.
Jellygate

What is jelly-gate? In a nutshell a woman posted on one of the posts on
MamaV's latest venture "We are the real deal" that there was nothing representing the broad demographic that the website so ferociously pushes.
So this is where all my suspicions came to the forefront .
MamaV attacks! She is quick and cruel signing off with "Barbie The Goddess You Will Never Be"

So now I start to really wonder can this woman give advice? We are all flawed we all lash out but to attack someone for pointing out the oh to obvious makes me think that she needs to work through some issues before she puts herself out there online. Blogs are public and if you get noticed get ready for something big to happen.
People want to be represented. This idea that
WATRD so advocated that fat thin and average and gay and straight and white and black and every other colour of skin and nationality well
We have some body issues.
So maybe the panel of people need to be
revaluated, or the issues they speak on need to be rethought cause MamaV was/is a lifeline to many.
Since
jellygate and jelly-apologygate new women have come onto the panel which I'm happy about.
But I don't think I'll be checking out
WATRD for a while. They is a lot of bad air circulating through that little corner of cyberspace and I feel a little hurt and kind of lost. I've always been a rare breed in the ED recovery community...but more on that later.
Readers...if you are out there check out the links and tell me what you think! I've spent a few days on this post editing for excessive
bitchyness. Hope it's coherent.

p.s on a happier note here is a
link to my most favoritest webcomic of all time.