Falling, yes I am falling, And she keeps calling me back again.

Today I learned about promises. When I was studying for my anthropology/psychology/sociology exam there were questions about human potential and as usual I over analyzed everything  but it made me think about promise and potential.

This summer has the promise to be a lot of things as most summers do. Two months will fly by and in a way this is a last summer. Next year will be about goodbyes and moving on. So this summer has to count. We can try and make lists and plans but we know those only sometimes come to fruition. So we promise and we trust in the promise of summer. The promise of our potential. We will create more memories with the people we hold dear. 

Two months is filled with everything. I know it won't be 90210 and it probably won't even be Daria or Glee but it will be life. 

That will be enough.

This is short but I think it's important.

Opening Night It's opening night! It's our latest show will it flop or will it go?

Remember way back in the day when I  posted about auditioning for the play?
Well if you can't tell from the title it is opening night. And I guess we could call this the first ever lessons for my sister liveblog. I'm on my lovely friend Peter's laptop. Because this is a liveblog I don't really know where this is going but this feels like the right thing to do.

Which brings me to lesson number one
Sometimes you have to go with your gut. From attempting a liveblog to picking that slightly more difficult song for the spring concert to well being in the school play there are always going to be things that are a little different or a little scary. And that's when we go with our gut. We stop, we think and we go with instinct number one refusing to acknowledge the stupid second thoughts that threaten to consume us.

Today I learned about letting go. As I write this people run over scenes and practice blocking and touch up false eyelashes and yell at other cast members for touching their flashlight and the room is a mess and well it's general chaos. But the curtain is going to go up in nine minutes and there will be nothing we can do. The show must go on right? Though I'm sure we all harbour the fear that things will go so wrong that the show will not go on. So as type I am surrounded by what looks to be simply a group of people gone mad. Or as we like to call ourselves actors.

Today I was reminded of commitments. We live in a world that discredits commitment. It's not really expected anymore.We should aim for total commitment but there is this understanding that In play related news the actors have just left for their posistions on stage. Four minutes and counting. Cue that Madonna song getting stuck in my head. It's been months of work all for this. Seven shows. Which seems like a lot now that I type it. But I guess all we can do is take this thing one show at time. One act at a time. One scene as a time.  Scenes that have been run over and over and over
and over again. 


  And we got this. I keep telling myself that we got this. Six minutes behind schedule we were just told (quite politely) to shut up. They're telling the audience (politely) to shut up and the swingle singers are playing in the backround. That music reminds me of the million times I've heard it played. The million times I've sang along to it in rehersals. I never thought that I would invest this much time or learn to care so much about this thing. I guess that this is like the rest of my life. Investing time, making commitments and starting to love well...whatever it is. Babies, spouses, hopefully jobs. I know that I'm doing a lot of expanding here but you know I've had a lot of time to think about my future lately.

  Our first laugh. It's followed by another...and another. Now they're clapping. Apperently there are'nt many people out there but I don't care. If this is the rush I get out of someone else's applause I know that the real deal will be brilliant.


It was.


This is late but the lessons have had a chance to sink in.
Can something as insignificant as three boring,commonplace lines change you?
Answer:
Yes.

I'm a terrible blogger! I thought I could commit but life takes over (please do not assume I have a social life instead I've had a lot of family time vacations etc etc.) But here's what I have learned during my hiatus.



Love,Like,Relationships are never ever easy.



DUH! Well of course I knew this but did I ever realize how hard it would be? Like even getting to square one date wise?



In my first post I asked what a date was,though my bio sis has had a relationship or two (against the family rules by the way). She has yet to be on a date.



NOTE: I believe in dating the "old fashioned way" dates first then you are that persons boyfriend girlfriend etc etc.







Well though the date never happened I learned what one consisted of.







A LESSONS FOR MY SISTER DEFINITION







Date [dey-te] noun,verb ,dat-ed,date-ing. A meeting of two persons of a romantically social manner in which the dater pays for the date-ee. Examples of a date often include entertainment and food. Food is always good cause it stops you from talking too much. Movie talkers should undergo extensive rehabilitation before going on dates. Dates are very fragile,mothers are especially fragile about first dates.







There we have it our first definition!







Back to my big realization that relationships are hard. What really makes them hard is other people though. But enough on that I'm starting to sound angsty.







Another thing I learned... yes I did learn a lot how could you not look at this landscape and think?

A huge part of my blog is about growing up. This is the 2nd largest stage of my brain development (The first was around ages 2-6). As I get older mentally and physically it's hard for me to deal with at times. For example growing two bra sizes in the same number of months. I have a precious collection of gray tshirts all gone because I have really really weird genes.
Something I had to learn the hard and long way with the help of my friends family therapist and the voice of amazingness in cyberspace HAIL MARY. Was that my body will change. I have to accept that slowly and learn to at least like it.
It's even stranger because as I learn to deal with my rapidly evolving body my parents have to deal with my rapidly changing mind.
It took me a very very long time to admit to anyone I wanted to go on dates or have crushes or be in relationships. I'm stupidly cynical really. So now that I want these things and am rushing to the starting gate I have to realize....
NOBODY ELSE IS THERE! Continuing with the racetrack metaphor they aren't even at the track. So I need to take a step back.
We all want the world to agree with us to see things our way at our times. So my sisters I ask you to join with me in remembering to give our parents a break.
If there is anything that i have learned in the past few weeks love/like/lust is difficult and throwing in angry confused parents makes it even harder.

Wow...
Glad I got all that off my chest.

Anyways... I am asking the readers (the few that there are whom I love. please don't be creeped out). To put up with me while I try a few new things with this blog. I'm going to try putting some more varied posts about the things that are important to me and I hope you'll comment on them. Of the very very few things I know for sure (no clue how Oprah writes one every month.) I know that finding your passions and putting them out there are VERY important to growing up. I have a few things on the burner such as
JELLY-GATE and my opinions of the self esteem saver mamaVISION
God,Abortions,Buddhism,GSA's and being a choir girl in a catholic school.
and my love affair with David Levithan and his amazing novellas.


Did you make it through the whole post?

PS I am now a Twit!