Colour My Life With The Chaos Of Trouble

Happy American Thanksgiving to my south of the border readers!

This post is kind of perfectly placed seeing as it's around a food based holiday and seeing as I was JUST DISCHARGED FROM THE EATING DISORDER CLINIC!

So naturally this post is going to be about body image. Cause it's a huge thing for (here's the shocker for some) EVERYONE! Female,male,gay,straight,all races all religions. Our own self image particularly the physical one is something that follows us around. Over the past two years that I've been with the clinic (Yet another reason I am so happy with Canadian healthcare system seriously I don't know what we would of done if the program cost money) I've learned a lot about body image. In todays crazy world with models having photoshopped heads bigger than their hips not only is it hard enough to have a good body image but in fact there's almost this pressure to have a poor one. Few people want to have the tagline of "they think their the shit" but I don't think it's wrong to look in a mirror and say "Damn I look good today" I hope my readers don't have a problem with doing this because the greatest thing ever is that you can change the whole tone of that often so critical once over that groups of people do when they look in the mirror.

There is two loud voices in the world when it comes to body image there is the WOMEN WITH CURVES ARE SEXY AND ANYONE ELSE IS NOT A REAL WOMAN and then there is Karl Lagerfeld. I can't say I agree with either of these voices. Thats why I love this there are women of colour,women of all ages and weights, body types and abilities. And they look strong and attractive. I've learned that making your voice heard is important and whether you follow popular or unpopular viewpoint as long as you are not spreading hate well your doing the right thing. I've learned it's easier to love others when you love yourself and the tiniest positive change you make sends signals out to the world that loving yourself and being comfortable in your own skin is a good thing and though it can be the hardest thing you've done at first it get's easier.

In other news I will be attending the Christmas formal. Now to look for something to wear....

I am ANGRY!

I'm opinionated,passionate and pigheaded. These are often seen as disadvantages to my personality and sometimes they are. But today I am in full fledged rant mode.
I am woman,hear me roar cyberspace.
So there is this woman MamaV who is a big believer in self esteem crushing the pro ana movement etc etc. All very good things. She struggled with "disordered eating" and wants to speak out. Also really good.
But she takes on this role as a superhuman taking the anorexics and sad housewives saving them.
I have a few issues with MamaV

1. She has never admitted to a full fledged ED. Check out her blog read her story tell me what you think. I see a woman in serious denial.
2.She has a moderate holier than thou attitude also a major turn off.
3. Jellygate

What is jelly-gate? In a nutshell a woman posted on one of the posts on MamaV's latest venture "We are the real deal" that there was nothing representing the broad demographic that the website so ferociously pushes.
So this is where all my suspicions came to the forefront .
MamaV attacks! She is quick and cruel signing off with "Barbie The Goddess You Will Never Be"

So now I start to really wonder can this woman give advice? We are all flawed we all lash out but to attack someone for pointing out the oh to obvious makes me think that she needs to work through some issues before she puts herself out there online. Blogs are public and if you get noticed get ready for something big to happen.
People want to be represented. This idea that WATRD so advocated that fat thin and average and gay and straight and white and black and every other colour of skin and nationality well
We have some body issues.
So maybe the panel of people need to be revaluated, or the issues they speak on need to be rethought cause MamaV was/is a lifeline to many.
Since jellygate and jelly-apologygate new women have come onto the panel which I'm happy about.
But I don't think I'll be checking out WATRD for a while. They is a lot of bad air circulating through that little corner of cyberspace and I feel a little hurt and kind of lost. I've always been a rare breed in the ED recovery community...but more on that later.
Readers...if you are out there check out the links and tell me what you think! I've spent a few days on this post editing for excessive bitchyness. Hope it's coherent.

p.s on a happier note here is a link to my most favoritest webcomic of all time.

I'm a terrible blogger! I thought I could commit but life takes over (please do not assume I have a social life instead I've had a lot of family time vacations etc etc.) But here's what I have learned during my hiatus.



Love,Like,Relationships are never ever easy.



DUH! Well of course I knew this but did I ever realize how hard it would be? Like even getting to square one date wise?



In my first post I asked what a date was,though my bio sis has had a relationship or two (against the family rules by the way). She has yet to be on a date.



NOTE: I believe in dating the "old fashioned way" dates first then you are that persons boyfriend girlfriend etc etc.







Well though the date never happened I learned what one consisted of.







A LESSONS FOR MY SISTER DEFINITION







Date [dey-te] noun,verb ,dat-ed,date-ing. A meeting of two persons of a romantically social manner in which the dater pays for the date-ee. Examples of a date often include entertainment and food. Food is always good cause it stops you from talking too much. Movie talkers should undergo extensive rehabilitation before going on dates. Dates are very fragile,mothers are especially fragile about first dates.







There we have it our first definition!







Back to my big realization that relationships are hard. What really makes them hard is other people though. But enough on that I'm starting to sound angsty.







Another thing I learned... yes I did learn a lot how could you not look at this landscape and think?

A huge part of my blog is about growing up. This is the 2nd largest stage of my brain development (The first was around ages 2-6). As I get older mentally and physically it's hard for me to deal with at times. For example growing two bra sizes in the same number of months. I have a precious collection of gray tshirts all gone because I have really really weird genes.
Something I had to learn the hard and long way with the help of my friends family therapist and the voice of amazingness in cyberspace HAIL MARY. Was that my body will change. I have to accept that slowly and learn to at least like it.
It's even stranger because as I learn to deal with my rapidly evolving body my parents have to deal with my rapidly changing mind.
It took me a very very long time to admit to anyone I wanted to go on dates or have crushes or be in relationships. I'm stupidly cynical really. So now that I want these things and am rushing to the starting gate I have to realize....
NOBODY ELSE IS THERE! Continuing with the racetrack metaphor they aren't even at the track. So I need to take a step back.
We all want the world to agree with us to see things our way at our times. So my sisters I ask you to join with me in remembering to give our parents a break.
If there is anything that i have learned in the past few weeks love/like/lust is difficult and throwing in angry confused parents makes it even harder.

Wow...
Glad I got all that off my chest.

Anyways... I am asking the readers (the few that there are whom I love. please don't be creeped out). To put up with me while I try a few new things with this blog. I'm going to try putting some more varied posts about the things that are important to me and I hope you'll comment on them. Of the very very few things I know for sure (no clue how Oprah writes one every month.) I know that finding your passions and putting them out there are VERY important to growing up. I have a few things on the burner such as
JELLY-GATE and my opinions of the self esteem saver mamaVISION
God,Abortions,Buddhism,GSA's and being a choir girl in a catholic school.
and my love affair with David Levithan and his amazing novellas.


Did you make it through the whole post?

PS I am now a Twit!