Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Still I Just Want Back In Your Head

Today I learned that sometimes you need to get back inside your own head.
There are dangers in living too much inside your own world, you start to forget the people around you. But sometimes you need to retreat. Last night was my Christmas concert and the general feedback that I got from the audience was that they have never seen me that happy. And I can believe that. But I think that it was more then seeing how happy I was I think what everyone saw was more of "me" then I've ever shown. I felt like my body ceased to exist and all anyone could see was my insides , not the blood and guts and stuff but your real insides the ones that only come out when you lose yourself to something greater than you are.
In small doses this is good but it is tiring and it's hard. So sometimes you need to leave the crowd, put on your headphones go for a walk to nowhere, look at some pretty things and read a book. Think about everything, think about nothing make a commitment not to talk or listen to anything around you just be. When you come back everything will be just as you left it but you will be a little different. Because it's easier to let go when you know you can always come back.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

There Are No Legible Signs

visit counter for blogspotOh my god my last post was in October!
Wow I'm feeling neglectful.
Little sister I just read your blog. I said because it was on the internet I could and now you will probably read mine. Which is good because this post is for you. Personally I've already learned this but you need to hear it tonight.
People are going to break your heart. They are going to grab it stomp on it kick you in the stomach then shake your hand and walk away.
Be selfish. Demand that you get closure in the healthiest way you can.
Eat some good food or go for a run or have a Buffy marathon or hug your dog or sleep in your big sisters bed like you used to when you were so tiny.
Know that as much as everyone tells you how unimportant this is in the grand scheme of things (I must also now mention that this heartbreak is highly unimportant in the grand scheme of things) right now it hurts. a lot.
And it's supposed to. Because this is going to happen again in varying degrees a hell of a lot more times. And you are going to do this to people because that is how life works.
So here in these early days of real relationships and real breakups you learn. You learn when to speak and when to be silent, you learn about taking sides and the importance of friendship.
Even when you feel at your weakest remember you are strong.
And everything will be okay.
So take a few deep breathes, read some poetry , hell write some sad poems in your journal.
Just know that this is the first night and it will probably be a long one.
But the sun will rise, the darkness will be just a little brighter.
And you have a sister who loves you.