Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Lessons From My Sister

This blog is kind of preachy I know. I hope that if I make enough points that a few of them will be valid and that maybe I/You/My sister will learn something. But it's the #1 sister's (Not that she is my favorite but she was the first sister) birthday and as much as I like to think I am so smart and self sufficient. She's taught me some stuff.
1. She has taught me that there is a whole other side to every story. I have been in the same social place my whole life. I have been a proud outsider. She has not. When I am screaming about indignation she can calmly explain that missing piece to the whole thing. She has taught me about balance.
2. She has taught me about strength. My sister has watched me fall apart more times then I can count. She has been funny and sarcastic and strong and smart. She has made boundaries and protected herself while caring for others. She has taught me about protecting and caring.

There are so many things she has taught me. I think about the things I consider myself to be and one of the most important one is being a sister. So there is a lesson in this; We often disagree with the people we care for we have moments where we want to slam their heads into walls. But we need to remember that these are the people who make us who we are. When we see this we really begin to appreciate and grow with these people. We need to do this because as I've been reminded recently we don't have people with us for a long time and in times of pain often the only comfort we can find is that we loved these people with such ferocity that we know that they'll never really be gone.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

On Pessimism

This is not really a lesson. It's a bit more of a reflection but I'm hoping it's taught me something and I just haven't noticed.

On Pessimism
We are dramatic
We jump to conclusions
We are raised on what if's and worst case scenarios
We all go through that phase where we only listen to music about death and pain and other lame stuff like that.
Maybe that's all just me but something I know for sure:
We are all pessimistic.
I especially have been pessimistic this past few weeks.
Pessimism is scary. It is not kind it does not spare people's feelings or dreams.
Pessimism takes everything that is light and everything that is in between and drags it down to it's own level.
As humans we want to be special. We all feel isolated. We all sometimes feel like we are the last sane person.
The last smart person.
The last person who has any real thoughts or morals or dreams that are actually pure.
We sometimes wonder if maybe we aren't human maybe something weird happened and we are an island.
Separate from anything else in the whole world.
It's comforting because it allows us to be truly separated from everything sad and commercial and scary.
Maybe thats just me.
I do know that pessimism makes life harder. We become islands unto ourself and as cheesy as the saying is no man is an island.
Of course though we are pessimistic about pessimism.
We convince ourself that the hopeless outlooks of everyone else (not ourself though we never put ourselves into that group of everyone else) we be the downfall of humanity.
But then it's time for a reality check because until the end of time the artists will keep painting and the writers will see those paintings and be inspired writing great poetry,novels and plays and so then the actors will preform those plays and the singers will sing songs about great art and the scientists will play that soundtrack as they work in their labs and all the mathematicians will change their desktop backgrounds.
And we'll keep moving forward.
Someone will look at all the pessimism in the world and all the songs about death and eyeliner and they will change it.
They will be few but nobody goes through their whole life being pessimistic cause those people usually kill themselves.
We will write facebook notes we will smile at strangers we will let someone have our seat on the bus.We will stand up for what is right and we will not be stupidly optimistic we will be confident in our own kind because strangely we must (in a way) join the mob if we want to make stands as an individual.
We will grow
We will change
We will continue.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I typed the first sentance now I can't get Elvis out of my head.

Things are getting all shook up again.
It's funny because change is always a mixed bag. In the history of the world I don't think there has ever been a 100% positive or negative change.
Change is scary and it's fun and it's sad and sometimes we see it coming and sometimes we don't. The semesters ending and I'm happy to say goodbye to law and math but sad to lose drama and ancient civ. I'm going to miss my friends cause I don't have many classes with them next semester. I'm going to (hopefully) enjoy my co-op. Thats scary to though because as much as I want to get out of high school I don't want to be out of the loop.
Missing 3/5 school periods will probably put me there.
I've been thinking alot about change and how it can sneak up on you. Like suddenly you realize that you have to go find out whats going on in someone's life instead of them telling you. Or that three units of math have passed since the last time you looked up at the lesson.
Or that you thought it had'nt been long since you talked to someone from elementary school and then something tragic happens and you realize.
I don't know them anymore.
This post is kind of doom and gloom cause I am coming to a lot of realizations and being reminded of my own mortality and of course the worst thing of all
math exams
On a happier note my new years resolutions are going well my drama culminating was a total success and I think I'm learning even more.
Soon this will all be over and I'll have learned the answers to most of my questions and the changes will finally be complete.

Saturday, January 16, 2010


Sorry for not updating (exams and going to see sherlock homes x784902468-5265902894376 times) are really not giving me much time to post. In the meantime...
Wait you already have? Of course! You read my blog and are therefore socially responsible and empathetic.
Okay good job now keep raising awareness do a bake sale and give more money clothes and supplies.
Then go see sherlock holmes you deserve it.
I will be back to regular posting ASAP

Friday, January 8, 2010

You Need To Read This

Being pushy on the internet is not usually a good thing. The internet is an angry angry place where people attack each other and prejudiced can be masked by usernames like sexii_angel_baby92. But I think it's time that my (some say pushy I say determined) personality shines through a little more. So if you only read one post on my blog read this one.
This is Nikki Mawanda, 27, who was born female but lives as a “trans-man” and his life is at risk.
There is something terrible going on in Uganda. See there's a law which originally would of allowed a gay genocide and now will probably be life imprisonment. Life in prison means hundreds of beatings and rape in a so called attempt to "cure" homosexuals.
See I know that marriage equality is important and I will of course be watching the prop 8 trials this week. But I can't really get into the whole marriage equality thing as much as I wish I could when something like this is going on. Because marriage equality cannot be the number one issue for the gay community if people are still being killed for who they love. So what can I do? What can you do?
1.Write. Write letters to the UN to your government representatives. Tell them that you care about this and that you want them to do something too. Write on your Facebook, Twitter your school newspaper and your blog.
2.Talk tell you friends. Make people so angry at you due to the fact that they won't shut up that they do something.
3. Protest. This ties into writing and talking but get together and join or create a demonstration.
4.Wear. Make a t shirt a tote bag a button that sparks conversation so you can work in number two if you are shy (like I am sometimes) and can't bring it up. If clothes are a way to show the world who you are then show the world that you want to stop this.
5.Donate. Places like the Astraea Lesbian Foundation are getting money to the precious few gay rights activists out there.
6.Read/Watch. Read the New York Times watch the Rachel Maddow show. The more informed you are the better you can talk and write and of course make cool liberal references "So I was watching the Rachel Maddow show..."
7. Reclassify While you are reading writing wearing talking donating and watching remind the world that these are not gay rights these are human rights. We need to reclassify and rehumanize these sort of things and remind people that every fight for rights of a human being affects them.
8.Finally though it sounds sappy. Pray or send out good vibes or just think of these people before you go to bed. There are so many people who use religion as a way to justify this kind of thing. Don't believe the crap God (or whatever you believe in) loves everybody end of story.

It's the second decade of the 21st century this kind of stuff should not be going on. It will not go on. Not if I have any say in it.

I Love My Room, I'm Getting Used To Sleeping

See the thing about internal monologues is that they makes things real. Our worst fears our insecurities go from a passing thought in your head to well a monologue with peaks and valleys a beginning middle and if your lucky an end. And well my name is Katie Kennific and my head has'nt shut up for sixteen years.
This is the latest monologue which opens my life as a movie and I think that it opens pretty much at this moment ( I started this on a mobile blogger thing and I really should be doing school related activities). See my life has gone from dysfuntional teen drama to the land of quirk in about a year and it's kind of making me suicidal.
You know they say that you realize that your never going to be rock star when you turn 25. Of course I never wanted to be a rock star all I ever want is a nice position at the New York Times but I mean if your granting dreams if I could be a kick ass combo of Rachel Maddow and Tina Fey that would be great. But I'm starting to wonder if even that is possible cause I can't handle grade eleven culminatings/exams.
Also I would like to assure anyone who is reading this that I am still my (moderately) sane self and I am at least trying to be optimistic. I;m just so melodramatic it hurts.
In short January is depressing. It's cold for some exams and culminatings are starting the only holiday to look forward to is valentines day (or international singles appreciation day ISAD). What makes this whole thing harder is the internal monologue. Because these are the things that you don't know how to say to anyone and really your not 100 percent sure whether what you are feeling is universal or if you really just need to see someone. So what do you do? You write quick thoughts in a notebook talk things out with yourself (but try not to do this in the company of others) and hope that your head can shut up. I'm not sure if this is a lesson or simply the ravings of a girl trying to write a two act play for Saturday when really her and her group just came up with the concept in the last five minutes of class yesterday. But I do know three things
1. Listening to the voice inside your head and talking it out can be good (Of course only when this voice is normal and not talking shit about you or telling you to do bad things)
2. I will now commence work on a post about my latest cause the kill the gays bill
3.Please be kind dear readers I'm so stressed my head is going to explode.