So this week I learned a lot of things...Again I learned that sometimes we overestimate the difficulty of things aka
I AM PASSING MATH!!!!
Beyond that I learned some other big stuff. Classic stuff like all storms do pass and etc etc. Really I think my last post's slight optimism inspired real life.. or maybe not.
I've been thinking a lot about high school and how it's going to be over in 1 year and 11 months. Yes I will admit to having some yearbook sentimentality I can't always be a robot.
I've realized something about making you mark though. That in the end going for the high C on the first day of choir or trying out for the school play just might be worth it. Maybe you'll fail maybe you'll totally blow your own mind and forever claim it was the biggest achievement of your young life (COME ON! It was a HIIIGGGHHH C). But at the end of the day you get to say
I Was There
Something happened between grades 9 and 10 to me. I lost a lot of confidence and combined with recovery in order to be normal I really didn't have any time to be normal.
So I'm older I have seniority in my school and I think I'm going to take some chances. Maybe they'll work out maybe not but in the end I'm always learning. Tryout for the play are in two days and I'll hopefully have a series of funny anecdotes and defintions on the audition process.
Last but not least I made a tumblr cause it's what all the cool artsy kids are doing and they are pretty. It may fall flat on it's face but trying never hurt anyone. (Look how I take my life lessons and apply them to wonderful trivial internet things)
Friday, September 25, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
This week I learned that sometimes you have bad weeks.
Really bad weeks and sometimes those weeks are so bad that you decided to throw away your life ambition and become a asexual hermit whose has cats and maybe a coffee machine.
I really haven't given this week much thought in terms of lessons for my sister but due to my nonexistent readership I thought I would try and make something out of this week so I feel better when I check my statcounter page.
This week I learned that people lie
This week I learned that people lie
a lot. People lie so much that your never going to catch all of it and every once is a while you are going to be so fooled that your left feeling like a four year old.
I now accept this I've got a (hopefully) long life ahead of me and I'm going to be left feeling hopelessly stupid many more times. This brings me to number two on the list of things I learned this week.
IT IS OKAY TO CRY
Many people would wonder why I would bold and CAPS LOCK this it seems so obvious but sometimes the things are hidden in plain sight.
Emotions suck at times because feeling hurt...hurts feeling mad can feel ugly and out of control and feeling happy can just feel so lame in an overly cynical world.
At the end of the day though sometimes you need to put on the fluffy sweater turn on the TV grab your overly large dog and do some serious big baby style sobbing. Then you can ingest the chemical weight of a small factory in strawberry marshmallows.
Things seem better. Then you have crazy dreams about elevators and stuff.
But it's a fair tradeoff.
Finally I learned that were always going to make mistakes with our friends. Sometimes they are going to be really really really big mistakes and we just have to wait it out. Because you can't make anyone forgive you. Sometimes you really mess up and your going to have to wait for that person to comes to terms with it.
I didn't think that the first nine days of school would be this hard/educational/amazing
In the meantime I'll watch Glee while pretending to be Rachel Berry and manufacturing a lovechild wardrobe of Emma Pillsbury and Kurt Hummel. TV addictions are a sad thing never fall into them.
Friday, September 11, 2009
I made it through the first week!
Being a junior is different. It's amazing how much we all seemed to grow up over the summer. Though I hardly look like a junior I clutch my grade 11 textbooks to my chest like a banner that says DO NOT "INITIATE" ME!
So what has the first week taught me?
It's taught me about expectations. Whether it's that new TV show or my scary math class or seeing that person in the hallways again we always have expectations. They are fun,disappointing,paranoid,imaginary and real. Expectations are important not only do that make life worth living by giving us a reason to wake up in the morning.
They are our own personal kick in the butt to wake up to reality.
When our expectations are proved to be false (these often fall under the paranoid "everyone is going to hate me because... category) we realize something huge about mindreading and living in the present. This week I've had more self built conceptions about absolutely stupid things knocked down than ever. I don't know if this trend will continue. I think it might slow down because I'm realizing the futility of these walls of thought I have built.
Hopefully I'll be doing at least bi-weekly posts as the year goes on though the first week has been so crazy. I'm back on the jobhunt so that should be educational at least...right?
To finish it all off I've been crazyily interested in this idea. It's only since I've started reading about it that I've started to look at my group of friends and how they influence me physically and mentally. Maybe I'll do a rip-off or "personal opinion" post on these studies later this week.
Monday, September 7, 2009
I started writing this blog near the end of my grade 10 year. Wow that seems so long ago already. Summer has a way of aging people... or at least making time stretch out into infinity.
I've had a lot of trouble writing this post. I feel like I have a responsibility to my few but wonderful readers to finish up my summer reflecting and being profound all packed into one superamazing end of summer post. Maybe I just put too much pressure on myself.
I wrote a list of goals for my summer and I was happy with it. In fact up until I started writing..I had every intention of copying and pasting that list into a new post and simply checking off what I had accomplished.
But then I realized.
Life doesn't have a report card.
Life is not about lists that we hold onto and then look back on with regret missing the good stuff. In the end life and accomplishments are measured by "Done" lists not "To Do" lists.
What is on these lists doesn't matter because with a little bit of effort you can find growth and beauty and something worthwhile in it all.
This is the most important lesson of the summer.
So without further ado
MY DONE LIST
Learned how to see and capture beauty with a film camera.
Sometimes updated my blog.
Wrote poetry and short stores.
Bought and wore beautiful clothing found a way to love my swimsuited body
Learned to rollerblade
Rollerbladed and Yoga'd regulary.
Experimented with new foods.
Accepted change and created some of my own
Worked on precious few guitar skills.
Even further expanded my musical spectrum.
This summer was was hard at times easy at others.
Always unpredictable, Always routine,Always new, Always old, Always sad, Always happy,Always hello's, Always goodbye's.