Thursday, July 29, 2010

Last night I held the largest social gathering I have ever held since probably my childhood birthday parties.

I'm not going to say how many people were there because then I would look like the biggest dork ever. Let me assure you though our small group made enough noise for a group of 20 to 40 people.
Last night was fun and wholesome and a great time to catch up before I go on vacation. 
Last night I learned a lot. I learned that my friends are incredible and I learned why I'm friends with them
Even at our darkest our most sarcastic and our downright meanest there is a light and an optimism inside of us that is always visible. There is a uniting force that keeps us together. I talk about balance all the time in this blog and yesterday was a real lesson in balance.
I learned that a good evening is made by balancing pure youthful energy ( for example waiting for a friend and practically jumping her when she arrives) and darker teenage sarcastic stuff. 
I learned that I don't want to put my friends second to just about anything but my family. I learned that I don't want to be with anyone who has a problem with that.
And I learned that when it's time to call it quits you just know. My venture into my first relationship was short and lukewarm. I had fun and it taught me what I wanted and what I don't want. I learned that what I want is someone who understands that I am neurotic, sarcastic, impulsive and cheap I want to be with someone who understands that my priorities (at least for now) are family friends and then relationship. I want to date someone like my friends because over these past (almost) two months I didn't feel what I feel when I'm with my best friends. In the end the breakup was short and filled with long awkward silences and it was very very anticlimatic. But I remembered what I said to a friend a little while ago when asked about my relationship.
"It's a mix of falling and not falling of wanting and not wanting but I know that whatever happens it is important"
This is what growing up is. Taking chances being unsure and in the end learning.
It is through this that we become happier more intelligent self aware beings.
I hope.

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