Friday, September 3, 2010

Leave all your loss and your longing behind you can't carry it with you if you want to survive.

Yesterday I spent hours cleaning my room. I went up into those top shelves of my closet where I had old diaries and the get well soon fake flowers with the messages written on them. I took all my clothes and ironed ,folded and culled the things I don't wear any more. I was thinking about how a person is defined by their things. From  style to economic situations we conform , we break free and we work for things. Here in the "developed" world we are a material culture, we consume , the throw away but most importantly we hold onto things. We keep so many unnecessary things that we can get lost in them. By holding onto old movie tickets, secret classroom notes or never sent letters we don't allow ourselves to move forward. Though I threw out so many physical reminders of past events,feelings or crushes the memories are still there. Some were good (though most were bad) and now they all seem a little more distant.
I learned that there are times in our live when the past and present disappear and we are left alone with a shaky present to keep us company. The last few days before my senior year have been like that for me and I don't know when I'll be back in the land of the living.
But what I do know is everything is clean. The drawers are organized and the school bag is packed with colour coordinated supplies and those are just the external thing. Inside seems to have undergone some pre fall cleaning too. Everything feels a little distant but the most important thing is that we will all catch up eventually.

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