Last year I turned sixteen. So I guess all logic following I would expect to turn seventeen this year. But you know something? It really threw me for a loop. It feels like I've been living in this ageless state which I guess happens as you try and figure out where you belong. I've been trying to figure out what seventeen is supposed to "be" I've been reading and listening to songs and watching films but I still don't know. Sixteen had all these shiny happy expectations but seventeen seems a little more somber. But here's the thing. We feel disillusioned when things aren't as good as we thought they would be but what about when we go into something with low expectations? Seventeen has been sold to me as a hard year where you keep trying to catch up with what life throws at you but I don't want that and I know that can't really be it just like I knew everything wasn't going to fall into place just because I was sixteen. This year has the possibility to be everything and I'm not just going to resign to a year of stress and angst.
In searching for expectations and answers I've learned that you have to make your own and resign to the fact that the future always has been and always will be a mystery. We don't get to control whether that love will be reciprocated or get cast for that roll or find that dress in your size. That's how it goes and maybe we could do so much more if we stopped looking for signs and clues and hidden meanings in simple things. Maybe we could go with our gut and fall down a bit more but have more time to pick ourselves up. We walk on, we end up somewhere and as long as we keep a good head our shoulders then we'll be in a good place. Another year will have passed and there will be more lessons.