Monday, October 26, 2009


I turned sixteen a few days ago. It was at it's best anticlimactic but according to television, movies and books I should rapidly change to the appearance of a 20 year old and be thrown into a variety of complex and adult situations.
I get sick a lot and I watch a lot of degrassi when I am sick.
But moving on to a point and I'm sure I'll find one eventually. I was thinking about growing up as per usual and all the scary things it can involve. For instance public transit....during a the dark. But you have to take public transit so you can get home,get sushi,go to a play. All of which are fun experiences. I was thinking about the past because I thought about the future. I was thinking about what makes us up as people mostly because of this Starbucks boy who had a voice like a 60's sitcom secretary. I wondered if it was because of his feminine voice that he acted so feminine or he had a feminine voice because of his actions. Then he spoke in a typical male voice to my friend by accident and my deep thoughts were shattered. In the end though it all came down to my tiny 16 years of experience. All the change and all the same. So I made a list

1. Being able to talk like Anne of green gables. Not the optimism sappy crap but the large vocab descriptive stuff. I think we all lost a lot of our urge to learn things, maybe it's cause we don't want to admit that we are young and still have so much to learn.
2. I miss the children's library because that meant I could go to the adult section and feel amazed and grown up. Now I can't really go anywhere to feel grown up. I'm taller than all the shelves even without heels.
3.I miss the ease of making friends. That disappeared a long time ago. You could see someone with a my little pony you liked and that was it. Instant bond. We can all get so paranoid and cold that we reject others.
4.I miss being able to do childish things without feeling childish or looking around. I sometimes partake in these activities but in the end I am anxious and can't let go.
5. I miss field trips and bus buddies and mandatory trips to the museum.
6. I miss time going slowly. I'm halfway through a semester and thats scary.

1. Not being heard. I just got involved with my local MPP and I feel mature and heard. For the first time I don't have to scream and jump to get attention somehow I have been iniatied to the yes you do get to speak club.
2. The confinements of recess. I want to go behind the trees and dig in the dirt making a series of canals and a clay mine. Deal with it.
3.Science Class. I have an infinite amount of respect for anyone who does anything related to science and math. Except for those who teach it you sadists.
4.Long school days. At this point in my life the idea of getting out of school at 3:30 is terrifying.
5. Bad/ Scary/Violent childrens movies from the 80's on VHS that we had to watch on our special movie days because that is all the teachers owned. Enough said.
6. Being stuck in a classroom all day with the same teacher. I crave movement and since my school is a scattered mess of portables this is very beneficial.

1. Cafeteria Food. It makes the whole school/ hallway that is left of the school smell like the inside of the deep fryer at KFC.
2. The cliques. There are people at my school who terrify me and they shouldn't but the fact is that all of us have spent years creating reputations (or having them made). Sometimes it feels like we are all stuck in these tiny boxes and until we graduate we'll never get out.
3. Math Class
4.The whole relationship thing. There are so few people who are mature enough for a real relationship and most people end up with + poor body image and -virginity/self respect. It's really sad.
5. The absolute un PC ness of everyone. Honestly I cannot wait until I am surrounded by middle aged yuppie people obsessed with being PC. The rampant homophobia,sexism and racism that is screamed through the average high school hallway is painful.
6. The obsessive need to be older than we are. I can't say if I'm pro underage drinking or a total straight edge. I honestly don't have that much experience.
ummm... let me think...But really.
1.Making friends because you like the person not just because of convenience. I came from an elementary school with 30 kids in my year. There was a lot of convenience friends. Now me and my friends actually share interests,beliefs all those things that are important.
2.Rotary. Being as completely unable to focus on anything as I am, having to get up and go learn a new subject halfway across a former football field is a god send.
3.Being able to leave during lunch. Last year after socializing me and my friend went harolding almost every day. It was refreshing.
4.Clubs like band and choir which give a nerdy light to my life on slow days. Though this also goes into the wish would go away category because sometimes you get trapped in clubs that you no longer want to be in because you feel they are corrupt but you can't leave cause the director is your teacher and you want to do well.
5.The fact that it is a four year period which rockets you into adulthood. Or so I have been promised.
6.The fact that you get to choose thing that you love and such things result in infinite moments singing Beatles songs in your drama classroom. Moments like this can be scary because you realize that maybe you don't want to grow up as much as you thought you did and maybe you could stand another four years of high school. Then the bell rings and a football player who has never even been taught the abstract concept of showering bumps into you and your deep thoughts are shattered.

But I'm starting to figure out that maybe life doesn't have to be about deep thoughts or trying to get somewhere with something.
I'm sure that we'll all get this concept of balance worked out.

ps a friend of mine has a new blog and she is about six times more eloquent and six times less sheltered then I am. Check it out!

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